I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize