I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
