I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
