you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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