Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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