you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Someone shattered a urinal.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
