...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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