one might say we're banned from that church
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Randomize
