I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
