The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
