I heard we made out
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
