Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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