does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
