As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
