You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
