Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
