So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize
