shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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