ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
