After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
