You really coming over, don't trick.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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