The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
