Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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