They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
