did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
The ass gains better be worth it
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