thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Randomize
