i think my mom watched the whole time
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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