Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
