I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
