I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
