I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize