I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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