I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
