Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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