you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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