I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We have started to decorate penises.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Sorry about my life...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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