Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
