she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
