she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
