im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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