Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
