if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
