Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Enjoy the penises
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
