Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
