we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
