I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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