there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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