babies were throwing up all over the place
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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