I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
