My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
