literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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