he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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