i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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