if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
