you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
