Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
