she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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