I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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