The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
