I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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