My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
