Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize