I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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