I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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