Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
