Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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